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POSTED AT 07:42 PM

hephaestus

Na-miss ko rin mag-blog.  Grabe, ang tagal na pala nung last entry ko dito.  Syempre sa Tagalog muna ako magsusulat ngayon kasi ayaw gumana ng utak ko.  Hahahaha!  Sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga akong balak mag-blog ngayon.  Ang tagal lang kasi maluto nung sandwich sa Pet Society account ko.  Mayroon pa akong thirty minutes at mahigit na kailangang hintayin.

Last entry ko dito ay tungkol sa break up.  Hindi na nasundan kasi medyo busy na sa trabaho.  Walang time saka wala naman na talaga akong dapat sabihin pa.  Actually, marami pa pala akong pwedeng sabihin kaya lang masyado lang akong naaliw maglaro ng Pet Society, Restaurant City, Country Story, Happy Farm, Friends for Sale, Cafe World at Farm Town.  Grabe, ang dami!  Isang oras at kalahati ko iyan nilalaro araw-araw.  So, gumagastos ako ng 30 to 40 pesos para lang sa PC rent.  Wala pa kasi akong laptop.  Hmmm... iyan nga ang i-prioritize ko ngayong Pasko.  Hahahaha!  Dati hindi problema sa akin ang blogging kasi last year eh uwian ako sa bahay namin.  Which means free use sa computer at internet sa bahay, at marami akong oras para magmuni-muni sa harap ng computer.  Walang pumapatak na metro.  Ngayon sa bago kong trabaho, nagre-rent ako ng boarding house slash apartment at wala akong PC kasi iniwan ko sa bahay dahil gagamitin ng Mommy at kapatid ko.  So tiis-tiis muna sa internet shops.

Eh bakit nga ba ako gumagastos ng sandamakmak para lang sa paglalaro ng mga game applications na iyon sa facebook?  Well, simple lang ang sagot.  Kapag naglalaro ako, nawawala lahat ng problema ko.  Para bang may sarili akong mundo sa maliit na cubicle na kinalalagyan ko sa isang sulok ng computer shop.  Pangtanggal ng stress kahit na hindi pa naman talaga ganoon ka-stressful ang bago kong trabaho.  Wala lang.  Nakakaaliw lang.  Sa tulong ng mga game applications na iyon, nakakamtan ko kasi ang mga pangarap na hindi ko makamit sa tunay na buhay.  Halimbawa na ang Pet Society.  Nagagawa kong bumili ng gamit at disenyuhan ang bahay ko sa anyong nais ko.  Sa Restaurant City at Cafe World, nagagawa kong maging manager ng isang kainan.  Actually, sa tunay na buhay ay gusto kong mag-bake ng cake at magtayo ng bakery.  Hahahaha!  Sa Country Story, Happy Farm at Farm Town naman ay nagagawa kong magtanim ng mga gulay.  Sa tunay na buhay, may sinasaka kaming lupa kaya lang hindi ako marunong magsaka.  Hahahaha!  At least sa facebook, lahat ng bagay ay kayang gawin sa isang click lang ng mouse.  Sa Friends for Sale naman, hmmm... sikreto!

Nakakaaliw ang facebook.  Kaya siguro ginaya ng friendster yung lay-out.  Pero sa araw na ito, pinagdesisyunan ko na itigil ang pagpo-post ng mga shoutouts kasi hindi ko na nakikita yung sense.  Pointless.  Kasi kahit na ilang milyung tao pa yung magbasa ng shoutouts ko at mag-comment doon, sa bandang huli, mag-isa pa rin ako.  Hindi ba?  Ang weird ng community sites.  Kasi pinapaliit nito ang mundo pero hindi pa rin nabubura ang katotohanang nag-iisa ka sa maliit na cubicle sa isang sulok ng computer shop. 

AND SO BEGINS ANOTHER CHAPTER
POSTED AT 01:36 PM

hephaestus

Moving on never felt this good!  Finally I can pack my bags without any form of hesitation, zip it tight and head straight out the door.  My mind is clearer and I am ready to take on another journey that life has to offer.  I will be carrying with me the lessons I learned from my past and all the happy memories that I once experienced.  I don't know what lies ahead waiting for me around the sharp corners but it really doesn't matter right now.  All I know is I am fine, feeling better and excited.

It all started with simple phone calls, the usual 'Hi' and 'Hello' and some 'How are you these past few days?'.  My first reactions were 'I am fine now' and 'What else would you like to know?'.  I am not good with handling heartaches and break-ups.  Until finally I realized I am so tired pretending to be angry when all this time all I wanted were answers.  And today I had the chance to ask my questions and found the real answers.  I have never felt so relieved in my entire life!  It's like untangling a pile of threads and spool them one by one.

It's just unfortunate that from the time that we asked for our freedom up to this day I learned to let go of my emotions, not because I want to but because I have to.  So when asked if the past is really part of the past, I paused for a moment and quietly replied, "Yes, because it would be unfair if I would accept those who wanted me back knowing that I don't have anything left to give them."  There was silence, a long eerie silence before "I understand".  Then another pause, "Am I free to love anyone I choose now?" to which I replied, "We already had that freedom the day we walked away from each other".

Before hanging up I expressed my thanks for the relationship and love that we once shared together and now we shall begin our journey as friends.  Who said lovers can't return to being friends?  And what is so bittersweet about everything is the message I received after the phone call, "I still love you."  I would like to reply, "I still do, too" but decided not to for one should not try to return to whence they came because they will never get to their destination if they do.

CRAZY LOVE
POSTED AT 08:48 PM

hephaestus

Just a few minutes ago, while playing Restaurant City and Farm Town on Facebook in a computer shop, I overheard a woman talking over the microphone.  She was talking to some foreign man, maybe with a web cam to go with it.  It wasn't my intention to listen to their conversation but she was seated right behind me and her voice was loud that I think everyone in the shop heard everything.  From how things were going, I think this man is her online boyfriend and he wants to come here in the Philippines and meet her in person.  Apparently, she has a son and I think her husband is either dead or they got separated.  The man is obviously available, he had a few relationships and they all did not go well.  So the conversation went on with all the mushy stuff and flirtatious comments, and it got me into thinking... why are we seeking love?

If I asked myself this question years ago, I would definitely say we seek love because we think something like that really exists.  But now, things are a bit different.  I would say we seek love because it really exists.  Looking for that one person who can love us the way we wanted to, and searching the entire planet for that single person we like to spend the rest of our lives with are enough good reasons. 

I used to believe fighting for what you love is insanity.  Against all odds.  You and me against the world.  People who put their lives on the line just to be with the person they love are out of their minds.  People who cheated, broke someone's heart or even killed for what they believe is love.  How could you treasure someone that is not even from your blood line?  How can you care so much for such a complete stranger?  How could you throw away everything you have just to be with that person?  I think now I am beginning to understand.  Well, it's because we have learned how to really love.  It's an emotion that has no exact definition but we all understand what it is.  Some people may find some reasons immoral, improper, or culturally, socially or politically unacceptable, but what the heck?  We choose to seek love because we believe that it will give us the kind of happiness that we are all looking for in this sad, gloomy world. We chase after it because we think that it will fill that void in our lives.  And for those who can find it, I'll bet there is no greater feeling in the world than this... to see your life mirrored in a stranger's eyes!

ONE MONTH OF LEARNING
POSTED AT 08:23 PM

hephaestus

The month of June is coming to an end, and I am looking forward to another month of excitement and adventure waiting for me around the corners.  I will never forget this month of June of 2009...

This is the month of a new beginning for my career.  Who would have thought that after four years of staying in Nueva Ecija after college graduation, I would step again on the fertile soil of Laguna.  Being here is like coming home from a very long journey.  My energy is renewed and I feel great.  I don't know how this feeling will last but I am just happy walking around the campus with my good old backpack, retracing my footsteps ten years ago.  Imagine, exactly ten years ago I was a freshman student in this campus and now I am teaching Chemistry to freshman students.

This is a month of greater wisdom.  I learned that to have your heart broken is a better feeling than not to have learned how to love.  We learn through experience.  Do you really think we learned to avoid fire because someone told us not to touch it?  No.  We learned to avoid fire because once in our life, we burned our fingers on a stove or a candle.  And yet, we did not fear fire.  We learned to tame it, use it for our own sake.  It's like falling in love.  We may get hurt in the process but we learn from what went wrong.  When someone breaks our heart, we should pick up the large pieces and try to move on.  Do not wait for someone to pick the pieces up.  Save your dignity.  But never pick the small ones because even if you cut yourself and bleed picking every last little piece, you can never make your heart whole again.  But I believe that as we move on with our life carrying those large chunks, someone is destined to eventually put them back together.  It may not look as perfect as before but at least you have the best pieces saved for that person to hold on to.

This is a month of new crossroads.  If you meet a person once, that is normal.  To meet again the second time, it's coincidence.  A third one is sheer luck.  Above that, think again.  People call it destiny.  Others call it fate.  I call it extraordinary.  Because I believe people are like falling stars, eventually they fall and then disappear in the horizon.  They will never cross the night sky twice.  People come and go.  So to constantly bump on someone for more than five times now, it's quite extraordinary.  I really find it weird and amusing at the same time.  I believe that we cross paths for a reason.  It's friendship no doubt.  But of what kind?  For a reason?  For a season?  Or for a lifetime?

This is a month of enduring friendships.  We just celebrated our ten years of being friends, my college friends and I.  Though we are not complete, I think the message is clear, friends are persons you can always count on.  But sometimes there are things we tend to forget.  Friends are also persons.  They can feel pain and sadness.  I once read in a small note that we should visit our friends' house often because weeds can block an uncrossed path.  I also learned that friends are the worst of enemies.  This often leads to misinterpretations.  When it says enemies, I don't think it means our friends hate us so much they can never forgive us for our wrongdoings.  I believe true friends are forgiving.  Not tolerant but forgiving.  True friends do not tolerate grave misconducts.  Friends are mirrors of our soul.  If we did something wrong, our friends would let us know.  So looking back at the ten years of friendship, I think we have come a long way and I am still looking forward to another decade of enduring friendship.

MISS CALIFORNIA AND PEREZ HILTON UNDER SCRUTINY
POSTED AT 10:23 AM

hephaestus

This is actually a very late post.  I mean the Miss USA Pageant happened weeks ago and here I am writing about a stale issue.

Since I have nothing to do today, I browsed youtube looking for anime music videos (amv) when I immediately recalled an issue about a Miss California making a statement of discrimination of some sort (well at least that's how the press sensationalized the issue).

And after minutes of listening to different video coverages, I find myself asking "Where is the issue in that?"  Here is the summary:

Question from Perez Hilton: "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage.  Do you think every state should follow suit, why or why not?"

Answer from Miss California: "Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other.  We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.  And you know what?  In my country, and in my family I think and I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.  No offense to anybody out there but that's how I was raised and how I think it should be between a man and a woman."

See what i mean?  I don't think Miss California gave a very offensive answer.  She delivered it in the most honest and sincere way.  That is how she was raised and that is her belief for Pete's sake!  That is her opinion and she is entitled to it.  She did not say, "Marriage should be between men and women only and all gay people should be burned alive!"  No!  She was sincere and civilized enough to make an honest answer on national television that defined her true self.  And may I quote, she also said "No offense to anybody out there but that's how I was raised and how I think it should be between a man and a woman".  By saying that I think she addressed those people that she knew will hate her for giving that answer asking for apology and their understanding.  That statement was a form of recognition that there are people out there who do not share her opinion.  I don't think Miss California is an anti-gay person.  Too bad for Mr. Hilton, he did not get the answer he was expecting so he badmouthed Miss California and the issue started spreading like wildfire.

This issue simply tells us that if you are a homosexual and you want your rights to be recognized and respected, you should also respect the rights of those heterosexual people around you.  And let's start with the right to his or her own opinion.

***

On Perez Hilton's statements:  (click the link to view his video blog)

I don't think Miss California gave 'the worst answer in pageant history'.  Come on!  This is an overstatement, if there is such a word.  A 'worst answer' would be something that is stated not because she thinks it is right but because she thinks it will win her the crown.

Miss California was not booed!  I think I heard applause because she was brave enough to stood by her ideals and speak her mind out knowing that there are people out there who will hate her for such an answer.  Mr. Hilton must be deaf.  He probably heard his own self booing Miss California.

I believe Miss California is not a dumb bitch.  She isn't dumb and she's not a bitch.  If there is someone acting like a dumb bitch right now, it would be Mr. Hilton.

This is funny!  May I quote Mr. Hilton: "If I were Miss California, with half a brain, I would have said... (just view the video blog fro the full statement)"  He just admitted having half a brain!  Good thing Miss California's is still whole.  Though I have to admit that Mr. Perez gave a very satisfying answer, considering he just have half a brain, it still doesn't excuse him from badmouthing Miss California if she did not gave the answer he expected.

And for the final point, Miss California did not alienate gay people through her answer.  It's the gay people making horrible remarks about her that alienates themselves from the civilized world.  Miss California inspired people to make their own bold and sincere statements.  What she did is an act of courage!  So applause for Miss California and boo for Mr. Hilton.  It's a good thing that not all gay people think like you!  

***

(Oh, and if Mr. Hilton will justify his 'badmouthing' as a 'right to his own opinion', it shall prove another thing... that he is narrow minded and he has a brain of a starfish.  Oh wait, starfish doesn't have a brain!)

***

I am not an anti-gay person.  I am not very religious.  But I believe that we have our own rights to express freely what we believe in and people should not badmouth us for that. 

DEFINE YOURSELF
POSTED AT 01:11 AM

hephaestus

Today I realized that the only person we can blame for all the mistakes and stupidity that we make is our own self.

Imagine a typical school scenario, a wimp being bullied by a big fourth grader.  The fourth grader picks on Wimpy (he will be known by this name) and makes his life feel like hell.  Who's to blame?  It's not the fourth grader; it's Wimpy.  He chose to be bullied.  He chose to just run, hide and cry.  He did not choose to stand up for his rights no matter what the consequences are, a bloody nose or cracked ribs perhaps.  People would say, "Poor Wimpy"!  Well, I couldn't agree more; poor Wimpy indeed!  He chose to live in fear.

In an academic setting, the bully may be expelled from the school but in the real world, things are a lot different.  And this is what the school failed to tell Wimpy.  The Earth is a big jungle of hungry wolves and soaring vultures waiting for a weakling to prey on.  If you are too afraid to even tell those people preying on you to stop meddling with your life then they won't.  If your voice is not loud enough then you will not be heard.  If you can't show them that they have no power over you then you will forever live in fear.

We define ourselves, we define our life.  No mortal has the authority to make us do things that are against our will.  No one has the right to make us feel inferior because we are all created equal.  We can't blame other people for our failures because they don't decide for us; we are the ones who make choices, we are the ones who make decisions.  We are the ones who define our life.

HUNYANGO
POSTED AT 01:00 AM

hephaestus

Si Lemuel:

Alas siyete ng umaga, naghuhumiyaw ang 5110 na nasa level 5 volume upang gisingin ang natutulog na si Lemuel. Isang oras mula ngayon ay mag-uumpisa na ang kanyang klase sa Chem 100. Sapilitang ibinukas ni Lemuel ang kanyang mga mata, nag-inat at muling pumikit. Makalipas ang limang minuto, tumunog sa pangalawang pagkakataon ang 5110. Bumangon na si Lemuel at dumiretso sa banyo. Matapos magbihis ay kumain ng agahan na inihanda ng kanyang mapagmahal na Ina, nagsipilyo at lumabas ng bahay upang mag-abang ng sasakyan na magdadala sa kanya sa pamantasan.

Si Lucky:

Alas ocho y medya ng umaga, lumabas si Lucky ng Rm. 109, nagtungo sa tambayan at doon ay nakita niya ang mga kasama. Matapos makipagkamay sa lahat ng miyembro, nilapitan si Brad, humingi ng Lights at nag-umpisang humitit. Tatlong upos ang naitapon niya sa may damuhan bago nilapitan si Jeck upang alukin ng Judge.

Matapos ang dalawang oras ay dumating sina Liza at Jhen na may dalang chocolate crinkles. Fund-raising project ito ng grupo para sa darating na med mission sa San Nikolas. May halong yabang na ipinamalita ni Jhen na nakumbinsi na nina Starr at Jackie ang MedInc na magbigay ng suportang pinansyal.

Bago siya umalis ay ipinaalala sa kanya ni Brad na may BNO limang gabi mula ngayon. May bagong bukas na club sa siyudad.

Si Em-Jay:

Ala-una ng hapon, mahilu-hilo si Em-Jay na lumabas ng Anx. 204 kung saan sila nagklase ng Math 100. Kahit wala na ang kanyang professor ay dinig pa rin niya ang boses nito… Math is fun once you put your soul into learning numbers. Dumiretso siya sa mga babaeng nakahilera sa lobby. Ibinigay ang makapal na notebook ni Sharon, ang pinakamasipag sa klase, upang ipa-photocopy. Matapos magbayad ng 9.50, dumiretso sa Rm. 201 upang isauli ang notebook. Lumabas si Sharon upang kunin ito. Hindi na tuloy niya naisulat ang lecture ni Prof. Guzman tungkol sa variance at standard deviation.

Tatlumpung minuto bago mag-umpisa ang klase ng Zoo Lab, nagtungo si Em-Jay sa banyo sa third floor ng Business Ad. Nagtungo sa isang cubicle at nagbasa ng mga vandal. Tumingin siya sa kanyang relo. 1:30, Sept 14. Tama naman ang oras at petsa. Ilang segundo pa ay bumukas ang pinto ng banyo. Dumating na ang kanyang hinihintay.

Si Emmanuel:

Ala-singko ng hapon, kasama ni Emmanuel na lumabas ng Zoo Lab si Sarah. Matapos makipag-kita kina George at Cha sa lobby ay dumiretso na sila sa bahay nina Father Jack.

Higit-kumulang na labinlimang minuto ang hinintay nila bago sila nag-umpisa. Hinintay pa kasi nila ang ibang kasama. Nag-umpisa ang pag-aaral sa panalangin at dito rin ito nagtapos. Maganda ang paksa ngayong gabi. Tungkol ito sa aklat ni Mateo.

Bago tuluyang umuwi ang mga kabataan ay inabutan sila ng certificates. Ayon kay Father Jack, ito raw ay tanda ng kanilang pagtatapos ng isa na naming semestre sa piling ng Maykapal. Nawa raw ay maging instrumento sila ng kabutihan.

Walang bahid na lungkot sa mukha ang mga naghiwahiwalay na kabataan. Alam kasi nilang magkikita pa ulit sila sa susunod na semestre.

Si Lemuel:

Alas-ocho na nang dumating sa bahay si Lemuel. Nagmano sa kanyang Ama at Ina bago nagtungo sa kusina upang kumain ng masarap na hapunan. Matapos magsipilyo ay dumiretso sa kwarto, naligo at nagbihis. Mula sa kanyang aparador ay kinuha ang isang maliit na notebook. 7419. Ito ang number combination ng lock. Kinuha niya ang kanyang Parker pen at nagsulat:

Sept. 14, 1999
9:12 p.m.


Marami ang nangyari ngayong araw na ito…

Lucky/EM-jay/emmanUEL