August 5th, 2009
AND SO BEGINS ANOTHER CHAPTER POSTED AT 01:36 PM Moving on never felt this good! Finally I can pack my bags without any form of hesitation, zip it tight and head straight out the door. My mind is clearer and I am ready to take on another journey that life has to offer. I will be carrying with me the lessons I learned from my past and all the happy memories that I once experienced. I don't know what lies ahead waiting for me around the sharp corners but it really doesn't matter right now. All I know is I am fine, feeling better and excited. It all started with simple phone calls, the usual 'Hi' and 'Hello' and some 'How are you these past few days?'. My first reactions were 'I am fine now' and 'What else would you like to know?'. I am not good with handling heartaches and break-ups. Until finally I realized I am so tired pretending to be angry when all this time all I wanted were answers. And today I had the chance to ask my questions and found the real answers. I have never felt so relieved in my entire life! It's like untangling a pile of threads and spool them one by one. It's just unfortunate that from the time that we asked for our freedom up to this day I learned to let go of my emotions, not because I want to but because I have to. So when asked if the past is really part of the past, I paused for a moment and quietly replied, "Yes, because it would be unfair if I would accept those who wanted me back knowing that I don't have anything left to give them." There was silence, a long eerie silence before "I understand". Then another pause, "Am I free to love anyone I choose now?" to which I replied, "We already had that freedom the day we walked away from each other". Before hanging up I expressed my thanks for the relationship and love that we once shared together and now we shall begin our journey as friends. Who said lovers can't return to being friends? And what is so bittersweet about everything is the message I received after the phone call, "I still love you." I would like to reply, "I still do, too" but decided not to for one should not try to return to whence they came because they will never get to their destination if they do. 3 tried to answer!
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July 3rd, 2009
CRAZY LOVE POSTED AT 08:48 PM Just a few minutes ago, while playing Restaurant City and Farm Town on Facebook in a computer shop, I overheard a woman talking over the microphone. She was talking to some foreign man, maybe with a web cam to go with it. It wasn't my intention to listen to their conversation but she was seated right behind me and her voice was loud that I think everyone in the shop heard everything. From how things were going, I think this man is her online boyfriend and he wants to come here in the Philippines and meet her in person. Apparently, she has a son and I think her husband is either dead or they got separated. The man is obviously available, he had a few relationships and they all did not go well. So the conversation went on with all the mushy stuff and flirtatious comments, and it got me into thinking... why are we seeking love? If I asked myself this question years ago, I would
definitely say we seek love because we think something like that really
exists. But now, things are a bit different. I would say we seek love
because it really exists. Looking for that one person who can love us
the way we wanted to, and searching the entire planet for that single
person we like to spend the rest of our lives with are enough good
reasons. I used to believe fighting for what you love is insanity. Against all odds. You and me against the world. People who put their lives on the line just to be with the person they love are out of their minds. People who cheated, broke someone's heart or even killed for what they believe is love. How could you treasure someone that is not even from your blood line? How can you care so much for such a complete stranger? How could you throw away everything you have just to be with that person? I think now I am beginning to understand. Well, it's because we have learned how to really love. It's an emotion that has no exact definition but we all understand what it is. Some people may find some reasons immoral, improper, or culturally, socially or politically unacceptable, but what the heck? We choose to seek love because we believe that it will give us the kind of happiness that we are all looking for in this sad, gloomy world. We chase after it because we think that it will fill that void in our lives. And for those who can find it, I'll bet there is no greater feeling in the world than this... to see your life mirrored in a stranger's eyes! |
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June 26th, 2009
ONE MONTH OF LEARNING POSTED AT 08:23 PM The month of June is coming to an end, and I am looking forward to another month of excitement and adventure waiting for me around the corners. I will never forget this month of June of 2009... This is the month of a new beginning for my career. Who would have thought that after four years of staying in Nueva Ecija after college graduation, I would step again on the fertile soil of Laguna. Being here is like coming home from a very long journey. My energy is renewed and I feel great. I don't know how this feeling will last but I am just happy walking around the campus with my good old backpack, retracing my footsteps ten years ago. Imagine, exactly ten years ago I was a freshman student in this campus and now I am teaching Chemistry to freshman students. This is a month of greater wisdom. I learned that to have your heart broken is a better feeling than not to have learned how to love. We learn through experience. Do you really think we learned to avoid fire because someone told us not to touch it? No. We learned to avoid fire because once in our life, we burned our fingers on a stove or a candle. And yet, we did not fear fire. We learned to tame it, use it for our own sake. It's like falling in love. We may get hurt in the process but we learn from what went wrong. When someone breaks our heart, we should pick up the large pieces and try to move on. Do not wait for someone to pick the pieces up. Save your dignity. But never pick the small ones because even if you cut yourself and bleed picking every last little piece, you can never make your heart whole again. But I believe that as we move on with our life carrying those large chunks, someone is destined to eventually put them back together. It may not look as perfect as before but at least you have the best pieces saved for that person to hold on to. This is a month of new crossroads. If you meet a person once, that is normal. To meet again the second time, it's coincidence. A third one is sheer luck. Above that, think again. People call it destiny. Others call it fate. I call it extraordinary. Because I believe people are like falling stars, eventually they fall and then disappear in the horizon. They will never cross the night sky twice. People come and go. So to constantly bump on someone for more than five times now, it's quite extraordinary. I really find it weird and amusing at the same time. I believe that we cross paths for a reason. It's friendship no doubt. But of what kind? For a reason? For a season? Or for a lifetime? This is a month of enduring friendships. We just celebrated our ten years of being friends, my college friends and I. Though we are not complete, I think the message is clear, friends are persons you can always count on. But sometimes there are things we tend to forget. Friends are also persons. They can feel pain and sadness. I once read in a small note that we should visit our friends' house often because weeds can block an uncrossed path. I also learned that friends are the worst of enemies. This often leads to misinterpretations. When it says enemies, I don't think it means our friends hate us so much they can never forgive us for our wrongdoings. I believe true friends are forgiving. Not tolerant but forgiving. True friends do not tolerate grave misconducts. Friends are mirrors of our soul. If we did something wrong, our friends would let us know. So looking back at the ten years of friendship, I think we have come a long way and I am still looking forward to another decade of enduring friendship. |
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May 11th, 2009
MISS CALIFORNIA AND PEREZ HILTON UNDER SCRUTINY POSTED AT 10:23 AM This is actually a very late post. I mean the Miss USA Pageant happened weeks ago and here I am writing about a stale issue. Since I have nothing to do today, I browsed youtube looking for anime music videos (amv) when I immediately recalled an issue about a Miss California making a statement of discrimination of some sort (well at least that's how the press sensationalized the issue). And after minutes of listening to different video coverages, I find myself asking "Where is the issue in that?" Here is the summary: Question from Perez Hilton: "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit, why or why not?" Answer from Miss California: "Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what? In my country, and in my family I think and I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there but that's how I was raised and how I think it should be between a man and a woman." See what i mean? I don't think Miss California gave a very offensive answer. She delivered it in the most honest and sincere way. That is how she was raised and that is her belief for Pete's sake! That is her opinion and she is entitled to it. She did not say, "Marriage should be between men and women only and all gay people should be burned alive!" No! She was sincere and civilized enough to make an honest answer on national television that defined her true self. And may I quote, she also said "No offense to anybody out there but that's how I was raised and how I think it should be between a man and a woman". By saying that I think she addressed those people that she knew will hate her for giving that answer asking for apology and their understanding. That statement was a form of recognition that there are people out there who do not share her opinion. I don't think Miss California is an anti-gay person. Too bad for Mr. Hilton, he did not get the answer he was expecting so he badmouthed Miss California and the issue started spreading like wildfire. This issue simply tells us that if you are a homosexual and you want your rights to be recognized and respected, you should also respect the rights of those heterosexual people around you. And let's start with the right to his or her own opinion. *** On Perez Hilton's statements: (click the link to view his video blog) I don't think Miss California gave 'the worst answer in pageant history'. Come on! This is an overstatement, if there is such a word. A 'worst answer' would be something that is stated not because she thinks it is right but because she thinks it will win her the crown. Miss California was not booed! I think I heard applause because she was brave enough to stood by her ideals and speak her mind out knowing that there are people out there who will hate her for such an answer. Mr. Hilton must be deaf. He probably heard his own self booing Miss California. I believe Miss California is not a dumb bitch. She isn't dumb and she's not a bitch. If there is someone acting like a dumb bitch right now, it would be Mr. Hilton. This is funny! May I quote Mr. Hilton: "If I were Miss California, with half a brain, I would have said... (just view the video blog fro the full statement)" He just admitted having half a brain! Good thing Miss California's is still whole. Though I have to admit that Mr. Perez gave a very satisfying answer, considering he just have half a brain, it still doesn't excuse him from badmouthing Miss California if she did not gave the answer he expected. And for the final point, Miss California did not alienate gay people through her answer. It's the gay people making horrible remarks about her that alienates themselves from the civilized world. Miss California inspired people to make their own bold and sincere statements. What she did is an act of courage! So applause for Miss California and boo for Mr. Hilton. It's a good thing that not all gay people think like you! *** (Oh, and if Mr. Hilton will justify his 'badmouthing' as a 'right to his own opinion', it shall prove another thing... that he is narrow minded and he has a brain of a starfish. Oh wait, starfish doesn't have a brain!) *** I am not an anti-gay person. I am not very religious. But I believe that we have our own rights to express freely what we believe in and people should not badmouth us for that. |
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May 5th, 2009
DEFINE YOURSELF POSTED AT 01:11 AM Today I realized that the only person we can blame for all the mistakes and stupidity that we make is our own self. Imagine a typical school scenario, a wimp being bullied by a big fourth grader. The fourth grader picks on Wimpy (he will be known by this name) and makes his life feel like hell. Who's to blame? It's not the fourth grader; it's Wimpy. He chose to be bullied. He chose to just run, hide and cry. He did not choose to stand up for his rights no matter what the consequences are, a bloody nose or cracked ribs perhaps. People would say, "Poor Wimpy"! Well, I couldn't agree more; poor Wimpy indeed! He chose to live in fear. In an academic setting, the bully may be expelled from the school but in the real world, things are a lot different. And this is what the school failed to tell Wimpy. The Earth is a big jungle of hungry wolves and soaring vultures waiting for a weakling to prey on. If you are too afraid to even tell those people preying on you to stop meddling with your life then they won't. If your voice is not loud enough then you will not be heard. If you can't show them that they have no power over you then you will forever live in fear. We define ourselves, we define our life. No mortal has the authority to make us do things that are against our will. No one has the right to make us feel inferior because we are all created equal. We can't blame other people for our failures because they don't decide for us; we are the ones who make choices, we are the ones who make decisions. We are the ones who define our life. |
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April 15th, 2009
HUNYANGO POSTED AT 01:00 AM Si Lemuel:
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April 3rd, 2009
SO MUCH FOR TEACHING POSTED AT 12:15 AM I just received a copy of my performance evaluation for the second semester of SY 2008-09. Outstanding! For the past four years, I have been receiving good comments from students telling me that I am 'mabait', funny, 'masayahin', 'magaling magturo'... It's actually, overwhelming but I guess I am looking for something that would satisfy my hunger for appreciation. Looking back at the past years, the comments are actually getting better. During my first two years of teaching, students complain about my 'mahinang boses', 'masyadong mabait', and 'mahirap magpa-exam'. At least I got rid of the vocal issue, but leaving me almost suffering from pharyngitis. It's difficult to compete with noisy students especially those who prefer to sit at the back of the classroom and talk with their seatmates. About the 'masyadong mabait' thing, I explained once in my class that I try as much as possible to pacify the class in a much less violent and verbally abusive manner because they are already in college. They are no longer high school students who need to be reprimanded from time to time for being noisy or for not doing their homework. And so that leaves the 'grade conscious' making 'shhhhhh!' everytime the class becomes phonetically active. About the exams, well... after four years of experience, I found out that students hate modified true or false, essay, identification and problem solving. On the other hand, they will love you for making an exam rich in enumeration, matching type and multiple choice... Unfortunately for them, since I love them so much and I don't want them to be 'kabisote', I crossed out the enumeration and matching type from the list, and fused problem solving, identification and true or false with multiple choice. I crossed out essay for my sanity's sake. Wow! That was quite a journey! Going back to the discussion, my evaluation got better and better as semeters passed, however I am still looking for a simple comment from my students. It's not 'ang bait nyo pong teacher' because teachers are 'mabait' in the first place. We just have different ways of showing them but the bottom line is, we care so much for our students. It's not 'masayahin po kayo' because we are not clowns. We have to carry a small package of humor inside a classroom not to make you laugh but to help you stay awake. It's not 'magaling po kayong magturo' because we were employed to teach in the first place. The 'magaling' there is very relative. What's 'magaling' to you may not be 'magaling' to some. The magic words here are: 'I learned a lot' or 'I'm a better person because of you'. The only instance that a teacher can say that he did his job well is when he sees his students excel in their respective academic fields, discover their talents, and make teachers out of themselves. I think teachers are called such not because we relay what is already written in books but because it is our role to help the students discover their inner self, gain wisdom and be more independent. |
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